so separated from something I'm standing in. cold world. how am i suppose to flourish in righteousness, with my evil so accessible. how can i avoid the thought of a story, when part of it was already written. how do you tame intensity? this place scares me thinking about all the damage that can be done. is it wrong to want to leave a memory as it is. physical separation makes change impossible. it's that truth that comforts me, given birth to the desire of relocation.[Exodus 10:10-11 - Leave the women & children behind.
3. the enemy will convince you not to take anyone with you.]
it's always been in my nature to separate.
i don't handle disappointment well. i evacuate.
sometimes it's about them, sometimes it's about me.
not wanting to be bothered with caring too much.
no patience to endure. just bail.
instead of working, depart. make something new.
you have to be a special kind of person to stay. (or just blind enough not to see.)
the ability to be selfless, because theres something else about you.
something substantial inside you independent of your surroundings.
remains unchanging.
i never use to have that.
so my mood changed when my friends did.
I'll always love l.a for what it was to me. the part it played.
but right now. i nearly hate it.
i don't have the desire to endure, I'm just tryna bounce.
i can't imagine an ending to this story. i can't see a brighter day.
it seems as if he fu**ed up my will yo. no denying.
but he can't alter God's.
& i have to find a way to make none of it about him.
so its become about them, & not so much about me.
at least that's how it seems for now.
because God loves them much more than I do.
more than a problem I've created, or a bad characteristic that I've developed.
more than my fear of hitting the concrete.
& God's love conquers all. so no fear shall exist.
