sh%t happens

i should be careful of what i say,
writing down thoughts,
makes them permanent memories.

but i'm feeling bold,
& honestly i think this is good.
thoughts i'm uncomfortable with,
but pushing through them.

frame of reference.
i get used to an atmosphere,
specific circumstances....
& then things change,
for the better.
& i maneuver, gladly.
& get accustomed.

then, things change again.
for the worse.
where the f#*k has my frame of reference gone?
can't even seem to remember, what encouraged you to make it.
can't feel that which made you believe you could.
so now, you feel foolish, that you ever thought you could...
that you even came this far....

but then you realize,
that even if you don't know how, you did.
you have made it this far,
even under those circumstances that seem so foreign to you now.

so really,
i'm like f%*k those thoughts that tell me i'm being silly,
for believing in a dream,
counting on it even...
because i'm here now,
& that in itself is a thousand miracles.
& while circumstances change,
sometimes for what seems like the worse,
God's working. Jesus is for me! :)
i can literally... never lose!

before the comeback.

knowing that you could do,
if God came down and personally asked you to,
is not enough!
do it because you should. the opportunity is always arising.
for you to prove your faith. take it.

don't want to be treated like a child.
but prove you can be an adult.
remember this day, so that you make walk in the release,
of this curse active on you.

big day.
gave into one, while denying another.
help is needed. sometimes more than what you can conjure up.
sometimes what God allows other people to conjure up on your behalf.
that happened to me today.
someone helped God save me. Thank God for her, :)

forgive me. for while I am steady growing.
sometimes, i am steady effing up.
but you know... then i remembered this; Letter 30: your reflection
& refused to cease and desist.

but believe in something bigger than right now.
sowing thoughts of success, because i was born to win.

(excuse the cheesiness!
my vulnerability causes me to be corny!)

<3 comeback queen

pt. 2. :)

so remember.
all the good things about you.
that arent good because someone else tells you there good.
but because it comes from the truest parts of you.

the good that is cultivated from experiences, 
from lessons learned. 
the good that is a product of endurance.
the good in you that never waivers, 
never gets lost, never becomes compromised.

because even in this fantasy world,
entitled reality,
where they tell you youre not good enough.
that good in you still exist. 

right it on a post it note,
make it your screen saver,
tattoo it onto the inside of your hand,
tell it to yourself every day.
the good in you that has developed.
the good in you that directs your dreams,
& motivates you to keep enduring,
to be the best good that was meant for you to be.

always believe the BEST things.
what do you have to lose...
it's free. :)
& disappointments are only temporary,
existing only to build your character,
to enhance what already exist.
so don't let them discourage.

lol, intentionally this wasnt meant to be a motivational speech.
just an issue i was able to identify and defeat within my own life.
i live in los angeles, o_0. enough said.
& this isnt about me being weak or wack. far from it.
but about being real.
confronting a situation that i refuse to let become all too familiar.
because if your going to rise above your circumstances,
and create the circumstances that you desire,
this process, this growth. this is inevitable.

master plan

we have this notion of randomness. this idea that things just happen. 
this nonchalant attitude, that the little things, sometimes even the bigger ones, 
don't matter. 
& while this 'it is what it is' attitude may work for us...
help us survive the day to day... maintain focus. 
sometimes we're short-changing ourselves. 
missing out on a message, or even just a tiny truth, 
that could possibly manifest into a bigger one. 
i mean, why not take advantage of all the information around you, 
maybe it exist to help your day to day survival. 
your prosperity. 

you boo, 
are of divine design. 
a million reasons exist as to why you are the way you are, 
to think anything less, would be insulting to God. 

[OR, the way you could be. 
...i say that, because most us refuse to live up to our potential. 
myself included. 
we let doubt & insecurities limit the expectation we place on ourself. 
because the world tells you to be realistic.
pace yourself yes, but by no means limit what you feel your capable of]

i know you feel the burning desire to accomplish, :)
you have these dreams that you could be bigger than the success that pre-dates you. 
there's a reason. 

your preferences, 
your thoughts
your opinions & concerns,
even your questions,
are all apart of a master plan.

there is something that you can do,
that God needs you for, that no one else can give.
regardless of the doubts you have developed,
& placed upon yourself...
cause boo. God doesn't doubt. :)

he didn't doubt an ounce we he thought you into creation,
& thought you worthy of making regardless of our consistent eff-ups.
shouldn't we start acting like it, :)

crash culture

it's times like these when we need to remember why.
when we are faced with a huge inner dilemma, caused by actions of the majority and your individual lack there of.
you remembered your straight & narrow when it was held in high regard.
what about when it is getting dragged through the mud?
what will keep you?

divine intervention

remember this day. this day in which you felt like this. this unrestrainable urge to type. to remember. to paste a bit of time on a post it note. yes, alcohol accompanied this. && for that i feel like some drunk stereotypical idea of a melodramatic writer, in an tainted environment.

i say tainted, because i am not your average writer. i am a christian first. a jesus filled individual who has daily conversations with our God. && God let me know today, that i can no (know) longer play the fence. i.e i know now. for sure. it is written. :)

these objections that i feel. these powerful feelings of doubt. smh. all caused by playing with those things on the other side. uhhhmm. there is a fence there for a reason.

so dominique was there all along to show me this as well.
why try so hard to hold on to things,
you obviously really wish to let go from.

weed is on my side.
recklessness is not.
let go of all recklessness.
we are moving on.
:)


p.s God has interrupted this reckless moment to bring us a valuable message. :)