do you value integrity?

(disclaimer. this post was inspired by frustration. lol)

i guess i can’t blame people for sacrificing integrity for the sake of community. 

God would say community is more important.

but for some reason, i can’t excuse my desire to be real all the time. consistently.

to mean what i say all the time, not just when it’s convenient for a certain audience.

my community may be smaller, i may be less attractive for certain types, 

but that seems to me to be a good thing. even if it doesn’t ‘feel’ like it all the time.

but who really suffers? i guess it just depends on where your importance lies.

you shake and jive for the people that surround you at the moment, 

just to talk badly about them when you’re with another.

honestly, isn’t it exhausting?

idk, i guess i can’t judge. 

we all handle the burdens of life differently. 

but it seems that a lack of foundation,

is only a breeding ground for confusion

and harvest doubt in self and God.

ultimately, a lack of faith. 

i’ve had my fair share of ups and downs

and hard lessons due to impatience, desperation and stupidity.

but ultimately, i’m always better than i was before.

in a better position than i was in before.

in a place where God won’t let my mistakes harm me, but uses them to teach me.

my dedication to truth has paid me well. 

i hope whatever you’re doing is working for you.

live your belief

"evil will flourish when good men do nothing."

i saw this the other day.
of course it hit home, unfortunately.
oh how i love to be reminded to step out of my comfort zone,
trust God and walk in faith. -_____-

ssooo many times,
my strategy is to be low.
kind of maneuver around,
instead of intentionally interacting.
it shields me from the opinions of others.
but it also holds me back,
waters me down a bit.

this is also applied to my perspective too.
i become neutralized to certain things.
attitudes & indulgences. bad habits & ignorance.
from me and around me.
we get so used to how things are,
the way things have become,
that we settle in not going against the grain.
we keep a lot of ish inside, keep it personal to us.
those ideas & perspectives you keep inside of you,
the visions you've had, or messages you've gotten from what lives inside you,
things not so easily placed in society.
i mean maybe i'm alone on this. lol. & that's fine.

i haven't figured out the ideal approach.
i don't even know if you can have just one approach,
to everything that could be considered,
or if it should happen on a case by case,
where you don't compromise your attitude or your behavior
for the sake of comfort.
voice your opinion, politely.
we need different perspectives, constantly.
demonstrate your beliefs through your actions & lifestyle,
unwaveringly.

none of us are obviously perfect,
& as long as we are alive in this life,
we will never be.
but no one is expecting you to be perfect,
but to just try anyway.
& you will fall short, but believe & know,
you are covered,
& that your mistakes will never have the power to make or break you,
but the effort you put into being real, fearless, & faithful that will carry us.

because as real authentic individuals,
we have an obligation,
to be an example of that.
to illustrate that amongst all tragedy,
there is still a reason to be real,
to have a standard, to be better. :)

how it's working

y'all should just get used to this.
this is how it's going to be for now.
i'm committed to so many things,
& some may see that as this awful thing,
but for me, i'm pretty sure that's just life. :)
& that's okay,
but things will have to rotate priority.

i didn't create this space for the desire to promote myself,
i created it out of need.
when things get so worked up,
worked up, worked up, worked up,
& then boom.
something inevitable happens. :)
& this space helps me rationalize,
it helps restore my perspective.
that is why i have this,
or pretty much anything.
it naturally serves some purpose that helps keep me going.
& that's awesome.

but it's not scheduled.
it happens when it happens.
when there's this overflow,
or a need for discipline in myself,
or etc...

so just know when you're getting it,
you're getting something real.
& that's awesome.
God works out the rest.
for now, that's how this is working.