i want to step back,
look at me, my actions, my thoughts,
all objectively.
i think i'm acting inappropriately,
i think i'm assuming and jumping to conclusions.
two reasons.
one due to my own guilt.
second, because the devil doesn't want me to have this.
he's making it easy for me,
to settle in selfishness and near sightedness,
making it hard to act from appreciation,
instead acting from suspicion and coldness.
sometimes i lose my frame of reference, for the worst.
and i consider and evaluate circumstances that aren't real,
or haven't happened.
giving time analyzing thoughts that have should have no real basis.
it's disturbing. wasting life, while simultaneously ruining it.
you can fall deeper into despairing thoughts,
give in to them all,
the ones about our love,
ourselves,
our worth.
i don't want that cancer to live between us.
i don't want to self-destruct,
and kill off all the relationships around me.
i don't want to be scared to love the hardest.
i don't want to fear having to forgive.
i want to value you as a whole,
not pick you apart.
easier said than done.
but here's the risk,
because i'm going to try God here,
all the time.
i'm going to be a beacon of love,
i'm going to let God use me,
& i'm going to trust Him, not you,
to always keep me safe,
to always keep us safe.
