defining times.

I want to remember these moments I am so closely acquainted to hopelessness.

These moments where the easiest & hardest thing is to give in to your fears.

Welcome to the death of your spirit.

This is what selling your soul to the devil is like. 

Turning over your thoughts, your emotions, imaginations & will
to fear and despair. 

Complete worthlessness.

These are the moments we must remember.

Because we aren't the only ones who come so close.

To death within life.

We must offer up our most vulnerable times, 

To the ones who need them.

Who need are significant moments,

To use as a foundation.

Because we were where they are once,

& we kept going.

Even though we could see no rhyme or reason

Blinded by weakness

We kept crawling.

Because God promised we always had a reason to. 

pt. 2. :)

so remember.
all the good things about you.
that arent good because someone else tells you there good.
but because it comes from the truest parts of you.

the good that is cultivated from experiences, 
from lessons learned. 
the good that is a product of endurance.
the good in you that never waivers, 
never gets lost, never becomes compromised.

because even in this fantasy world,
entitled reality,
where they tell you youre not good enough.
that good in you still exist. 

right it on a post it note,
make it your screen saver,
tattoo it onto the inside of your hand,
tell it to yourself every day.
the good in you that has developed.
the good in you that directs your dreams,
& motivates you to keep enduring,
to be the best good that was meant for you to be.

always believe the BEST things.
what do you have to lose...
it's free. :)
& disappointments are only temporary,
existing only to build your character,
to enhance what already exist.
so don't let them discourage.

lol, intentionally this wasnt meant to be a motivational speech.
just an issue i was able to identify and defeat within my own life.
i live in los angeles, o_0. enough said.
& this isnt about me being weak or wack. far from it.
but about being real.
confronting a situation that i refuse to let become all too familiar.
because if your going to rise above your circumstances,
and create the circumstances that you desire,
this process, this growth. this is inevitable.

battle of thoughts: higher help.

what does it mean when you don't mind your mistake.
at times, you like it a little too much.

notorious for learning the hard way.
if you can identify it as a mistake,
but it doesn't feel quite like one yet,
keep doin it....
& it will.

my vices have strong holds.
& they don't want to let go.
so they pose as acceptable decisions,
or indifferent actions.
so i let them out to play,
& then they attempt to eat me alive.
with their condemning suggestions.

& i realize i know better,
lock them away,
& then....
they use selective memory.
you remember the good...the bad,
gets lost in the sauce.
& you try again.
only to be reminded of the inevitable outcome.

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! o_0
that's how i feel.
fighting a battle i don't want.

a battle of thoughts are the hardest.
convincing yourself you don't want,
what yourself is telling you you do.

to have the will,
to deny yourself,
what yourself wants.

it takes higher help.
i need higher help.
because i have too much to lose,
to have to learn the hard way.

master plan

we have this notion of randomness. this idea that things just happen. 
this nonchalant attitude, that the little things, sometimes even the bigger ones, 
don't matter. 
& while this 'it is what it is' attitude may work for us...
help us survive the day to day... maintain focus. 
sometimes we're short-changing ourselves. 
missing out on a message, or even just a tiny truth, 
that could possibly manifest into a bigger one. 
i mean, why not take advantage of all the information around you, 
maybe it exist to help your day to day survival. 
your prosperity. 

you boo, 
are of divine design. 
a million reasons exist as to why you are the way you are, 
to think anything less, would be insulting to God. 

[OR, the way you could be. 
...i say that, because most us refuse to live up to our potential. 
myself included. 
we let doubt & insecurities limit the expectation we place on ourself. 
because the world tells you to be realistic.
pace yourself yes, but by no means limit what you feel your capable of]

i know you feel the burning desire to accomplish, :)
you have these dreams that you could be bigger than the success that pre-dates you. 
there's a reason. 

your preferences, 
your thoughts
your opinions & concerns,
even your questions,
are all apart of a master plan.

there is something that you can do,
that God needs you for, that no one else can give.
regardless of the doubts you have developed,
& placed upon yourself...
cause boo. God doesn't doubt. :)

he didn't doubt an ounce we he thought you into creation,
& thought you worthy of making regardless of our consistent eff-ups.
shouldn't we start acting like it, :)

never changes

i nearly finished this post, & then bam. the bad bam.
like my ish just all disappeared bam. -___-

& as i was speaking on conquering, i suddenly just felt conquered.
but here's where i can apply the good. the divine.
that things just don't happen,
there is always a reason,
& whether good or bad, you can prevail within it.

so no more thinking I'm useless to the creator who created me,
or that i am destined to fail due to my own shortcomings.
it's over for that mediocre thinking.
because honestly, you weren't designed that way.
that's not your natural nature.
& you should get hostile when a feeling arises that attempts to convince you of
that.

this is for you, you who can relate to me.
& I'm telling you, ohh, i feel it boo.
I've been there. parts of me still are.
but our feelings are not our friends.

but you can only gain resistance by enduring.
& by enduring you develop. it's inevitable.

cold world.
& even though the rain won't stop,
the sun will still always shine.

we learn to endure by knowing the one who made us to be more than conquerors,
the one who designed you and had you in mind before the formation of the earth,
there is nothing you can tell Him that He doesn't already know.
& nothing that can happen that can keep His original plan for you, from
prevailing.
except you. free will.

the Word of God is alive.
it awakens power within you.
puts the world under your feet.
because it gives you the truth, :)

we must protect our thoughts, our feelings.
keep them from the negative.
retain knowledge, making it easier to endure & eventually conquer.

The world is shifty, shapeless, & snakey.
God never changes.
His divine plan for you never expires.
& it endures. everything.
because your maker boo, he designed you to be as he is. :)