p.s letter nineteen. :)

never will it stop. never never, never will it stop. 
Pusha T dropped over the weekend... perfect timing. :)

because shit like this happens. && while i'm not okay with that shit.
i am okay knowing that shit happens.
because that shit happens around me. not to me.
& God gives you the power to allow that.
so im still on my pivot. :)
biiitch.

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

ahaahahahahahaha. i was looking for a title under which i can place you under within this letter list.
because unfortunately, for a second, i let you become too fuckin significant.
thankfully, with BIG Homie up there, we can somewhat retract steps.
obviously not recreate what happened, but redefine its meaning.
&& obviously, were just talking about me here.

there's so many reasons why...&& ive went through them all. Attempting to find the necessity in all of this. there has to be one, because i was with the program. and even though what i intended, is not what came to pass. i can make this situation anything i want to. for me at least. :)
we have BIG Homie to thank for that.

so what has brought me comfort is my entire demeanor. what i was before you, & what i will continue to be after.
you see. you can say what you like. but my character speaks for itself.
decades of realness has brought that about, & this by no means has the power to shift that. under any circumstances, eevveerr. :)

but with that into consideration, there is a reason it was you. & that i treasure. :) you're a giant amongst midgets. & you know it. but you have yet realized how to maneuver around them. instead.... you pahlay w/ the crowd. that is something only time can teach. and my timing...in the context of you? wwwaaaayyyyyyy ooofffffffffff! lol. (this is want impatience can bring...)

because of my behavior, youve become a testimonial. an experience. thankfully a rich one, because inevitably, i have good taste. but im more thankful that i'm capable of learning. learning you, learning myself, & this context in which we thrive in. this hiphop demeanor shit.

so your neither good nor bad. you are you. a wonder at what you are :) & i will pray for your success. and even continue to help you thrive. if i can.
because really, that is what created this.
a winner helping a winner win. :)

in the mean time. ...im chilling like the hook say, of whom shall i beware.
xoxo, w/o the kisses. :)

the birth of me

my parents.
i feel like this could be hard. or maybe really simple.
just the idea of summing up our relationship & my feelings...
it seems so much to consider. &; i dont want to miss anything.

but maybe we should leave the past in the past.
were all too familiar.
and well never really forget, it is what brought us here today.

this is for all of my parents.
a little bit of all of you contributes to who i am.
i can see the root of some characteristics so clearly.
& i love that.
that tradition, that trait, something we share,
that withstands time.

and a lot of what i am,
is a lot of what your not.
i recognize where you fall short,
its what created my voids, brought about vulnerabilities,
but with time, ive filled those as well.
and forgave you for the extra work youve caused me.
but that is life.

and i appreciate God for thinking my existence is worth creating.
& i thank God that he chose you to escort me into this world.

I want my children to know you.
see what i see in you.
want them to know they have the best grandparents ever.
my man, he will thank you! immensely!
for creating a women like me.
For creating three amazing women!
Hey yall there, yeah yall, Job Well Done!

xoxo, Ashley Avery.