God prevailed me 🌈

i have been transformed. 

when i look back at 2025 i'm so grateful. 
i fall on my knees to thank God for bringing me through. 
i have a heart full of gratitude,
but if you saw my 2025, you would wonder why. lol. 

from beginning to end, chaos. 
things that could go wrong, did. 
breaks that could have helped, didn't come. lol. 
but all in all, the Lord sustained me. 

and let me tell you. 
He didn't just sustain me, 
He held me close. 
He fueled my peace and joy, so that regardless of my circumstances, 
i knew the Trinity was with me and within me. 

i knew that my circumstances would not kill me, 
although at times they felt like they would. 
i was able to enjoy my life, even though it seemed liked attacks were endless. 
financial attacks, physical attacks, emotional and mental attacks. fear tried to overcome me. distress tried to overcome me. life wanted me to give in and give up. 

but God prevailed me. 
i remained content in every season. 
i embraced the lesson, eventually, and came out better than when i went in. 

i'm believing for continued sustainment in 2026. 
i'm believing for the manifestation for the desires in my heart. 
i'm believing for the wisdom to receive God's blessings in His glory. 
i'm believing for the words to express my gratitude, 
to yell my testimony to the world. 
to bring others back into the family of Christ where they belong. 
i'm believing for restoration. to be used as a restorer for the Kingdom. 

i'm believing that my family and our lives
are living testimonies of God's grace, His mercy and His love. 

God ended this year by opening new doors for me. 
I believe that will continue in 2026. 
i'm so sure of it. 

as always, to God be all the glory, all the power, all the honor and all the praise. 

Numbering Our Days

It could happen to anyone,
and it could happen at any time.

i read a few interpretations about my chosen bible verse today,

“So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom” Psalm 90:12

...and one i actually really enjoyed.
i felt it was spot on in identifying what i felt.

it is here at, unlocking the bible.

but then later as i was going about my day,
thinking of a combination of things,
i realized also, what God had wanted us to see from 'numbering our days'. 

because a beautiful reality about God's word, 

is that its verses are so full for interpretation. 

meanings found in different contexts, using different minds, 

seeing what someone else cannot.

so i realized that, your days are gifts,
that are not promised.
the privileges we carry of walking,
talking, seeing, thinking, feeling, breathing etc...
are privileges that could be taken away from us at any moment.

acknowledging this shouldn't increase our fear,
but rather a gratitude,
that fills our hearts,
and fuels her hope.

numbering your days,
centers around being grateful.
being grateful for what you have,
the lessons you've learned,
and living in hope,
for what is to come.

but i think in living,
we always look forward to the good,
and wish and hope for the good,
without preparing and acknowledging the bad.
understanding that the bad is inevitable,
and looking to the bad, knowing that it will produce good.

with that wisdom reference in our mental frame,
can anything really bring us down?
can hopelessness really rob us of our days?
it cannot.

...calling it what it 'should' be.

i have somewhat, been away.
only diving online mostly as a spectator,
not in the mindset to be a contributor.

mostly because, i like to think before i talk.
i like there to be significant reasons why i am saying what i say,
i like my words to be set in some meaning,
a real, significant meaning.
not some superficial current state, brought upon some simple passing circumstance.
we feel so many things, in so many moments,
some i prefer more than others.
some i want to highlight,
some i don't.

& lately, i haven't gotten many moments to not only think,
but to execute,
in regards to personal work.
but this is okay,
because taking time to observe,
is something i enjoy,
& find necessary.
so in the mean time,
i've been storing up some amazing variables,
that will inevitably show themselves,
through something that i offer from the insides of me.

i tweeted some thought process i had yesterday.
it was a reaction to things i have been handling,
as well as how i was handling them.
keeping my perspective in check,
not letting defeat reach my imagination,
& only think on rest & peace & success.
to me, i have no choice.
when faced with circumstances,
that could either get much worse,
& begin eating away at my sustainability.
i have no room for negativity. none.
i cannot play with the addictiveness of being a victim,
i must, must, must, keep my head not only above water,
but in the clouds; where my help comes from!
therefor my choices & actions will be reflective of my thoughts,
secure, safe, hopeful, expectant, faithful, joyus!

it wasn't until i experienced circumstances,
that could bring true fear to my heart,
& commit to a reaction to them,
that i could speak on something worth saying.

...sometimes it's better to call it what it should be, instead of what it is.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

not denying the reality, but stating faith. the belief that what you're believing for will manifest.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

...with having good reason to believe for that.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

& a 'good' reason is specific to every life. some are logical, some are 'special'
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

i say what i say about stating faith, because i always see eagerness to highlight the bad, when actually a repetitive cycle of stating good,
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

...could change the entire energy of this world. change the world's attitude...
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

i think we can all agree, the world needs a serious attitude adjustment.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

the pain or the prize

i do think about the wrong things a lot.
even if i'm not necessarily thinking bad thoughts about those things,
the time dedicated to them is the real danger.
& what's not getting my attention due to this.

i usually don't like to be transparent,
while i'm in the midst of a battle,
more after i've overcome, that
i see the benefit of sharing, being a source,
to identify with.
but transparency within the battle is important.
showing others how you persevere, flaws & fall.
because we've all fallen on our face.

but my journey be kind of sticky, icky,
a little messy sometimes. lol.
i'm so far from perfect in my own self,
& sometimes i lose touch with the God in me,
sometimes strongly in a moment,
or gradually over time.
it just depends,
on which one of my demons
has the strongest hold on me,
at that time.

i'm embarrassed by that.
that sometimes i'm irrational or b*tchy,
i can be thirsty & nasty,
i can be cold and secluded,
& i can hurt a lot of people,
my self mostly,
& disappoint God.
we can grieve Him you know...

when i focus on my pain,
i lose sight of what i've been hoping for,
not all the lovely stuff that comes with it,
unfortunately i always see that,
but what I get to build to get there,
what my life sets a foundation for,
i forget how incredible that is,
how incredible God can make that,
& what that will mean for me and my team. :)
it's worth it! but, when i focus on my pain,
this world gets to wrap me up.

i've been focusing on my pain,
my mind has manipulated it a bit,
sometimes it's not so obvious,
but i've definitely taken a forty year journey,
to learn what could've taken forty days.
& i can't say i've figured it all out,
by no means, have i come to this ideal perspective,
where everything makes sense,
& i can protect myself inevitably from
hurt feelings, and fear,
but i do trust God,
in my weakness,
i will rely on Him,
to carry me,
regardless of who's watching.

here i am. :)

my analysis of who i've become. a reflection of sorts i suppose, of who i think i am.
my own opinion i want to stress.
because i have known to have been wrong before.
& i think our own reflection of who we think we are, is inevitably distorted.
i rely solely much more so on prayer.
because people, including ourselves as individuals,
are essentially unreliable.
no one will take all the way care of you.
at some point, you must be able to rely on your own backbone,
the one that God strengthens.
& you must receive from Him, all the things you need to prosper within this world.
let the drought happen around you, not to you.
….because regardless, it will happen.

i wish i could give you some groundbreaking knowledge,
as to how to become the person God intended you to be,
…the best version of yourself.
but all i've figured out so far,
is that it is different for everyone.
it is not something you can manipulate,
to have it happen your way,
under your terms,
within your time frame.
but it must happens as it wills,
as time and surroundings allow.

but don't miss the point,
being that you are to stand steadfast.
that regardless of what is happening around you,
what is within you stays focused,
stays motivated,
continues to believe that there is purpose,
that the hope you have,
will never be in vain.
& there is no mistake you can make,
or tragedy that can happen,
that can reverse that.
the win, it is inevitable. :)
xoxo, ash.