subconscious : from enemy to friend

when you think about what life has made of your sub-conscious,
all these barriers that need to be broken,
...just for you to live, ...to be able to respond,
instead of always reacting to life. it irritates me like, wtf.

as i've grown older i am constantly confronted with my own issues.
perspectives, habits, insecurities that i've acquired
due to some uncontrollable situation
that decided to happen to me.

i hate that there are ways i want to be,
things i want to do, ...that i can't, ...at least not right away.
not until i address whatever would be keeping me from that.

it is not easy for me to maintain relationships,
to be in a place that is accommodating for friends and family when they have needs.
when they have the desire for my company, my companionship,
i constantly have to readjust myself to be comfortable.
...to not be paranoid, or automatically defensive.
or to not go on overdose people pleasing mode to the detriment of our relationship.

i often associate working and productivity with a lack of freedom.
do you know how detrimental this is?
do you know how many times i have shorted myself due to this illogical,
damaging, manipulative sub conscious concept.
i am literally at a place in my life where i am constantly fighting myself with this.
...where it will take an apocalypse to happen just for me to initiate a session of work.
i hate that. i hate that i have to waste so much time reminding myself this is really what i want,
even if my mind can't make full sense of it.

a session of marietv made me think of this.
it was q&a tuesday, & a reader expressed the unwillingness
of her sub-conscious to get on board w/ her conscious & ego mind,
regarding making progress within her business.
sounds. like. me. all. the. way.
& then she mentioned constantly guilt-tripping over it,
being her own worst enemy.
all. me. again.
i got teary-eyed.

this process of re-training your subconscious,
it's a natural direction to take when you want something really bad,
even if we're doing it subconsciously.
i constantly introduce my mind to scenarios, logic, examples...
to remind it, that this is what we want,
& we have what it takes to get it,
& we will do what it takes to get it,
& we will get it.
..but what this video has partially helped me realize,
was that i can make this a practice.
retrain my sub-concious on purpose.
understand that this is my goal when i'm working my mind,
& that i am investing in a process,
& my progress is inevitable.
this video helped me realize this is actually an effective approach,
a practice i can commit to. just giving myself new thoughts, specific ones,
and validating them.
ones concerning my work ethic,
concerning my fears,
concerning my self & relationships w/ others.

instead of approaching my subconscious w/ irritation,
& resentment for all of its secret methods,
i will approach w/ appreciation & reverence.
my subconscious is meant to be a tool,
not an enemy.
throughout my being,
a cohesive belief will be that we desire all of our interests,
to be God influenced. & that He will carry us & sustain us,
therefor fear is unnecessary.
we believe that we can achieve all God has meant for us,
& that will not cause us harm or seclusion or failure & emptiness,
but that it will aid in us being a beacon of light through God,
that not only sustains & inspires us,
but that serves as a source of hope for everyone around us.

I have posted this youtube session of MarieTV on my lifestyle blog.
I like MarieTV.
I don't always agree with her & 'self-help' methods in general,
because most of the time, they don't take into account God's truth,
which is for me, the ultimate truth.
but these tactics and approaches, & this knowledge is valuable.
when used in a way that is cohesive to what we know about God,
& His Kingdom, & His Truth for us, it just strengthen's the gears.
helping you to utilize what God gave you to the maximum ability.
It can help strengthen your relationship w/ God,
& with yourself in relation to the rest of the world.

ConfessionSessionSeries : the finale reflection

I started confession session like a month & a few days ago.
i finished. did all 40 confessions, 2/day, for 20 days. :)
back to back. no biggie.
a reasonable service.
but i had no finale. not yet, until now. lol

it was important for me to present a finish,
not directly for you, but, in the sense that,
i really needed it too. a time to reflect,
because for me, this is just as much as a learning experience.
as i'm writing it, i'm living it, trying, trying, trying, over & over.

& recently what has stood out to me the most,
'...is that it's never too late'
getting caught up in the guilt, the stress, the distress,
the desire to give-in, ...can sometimes over take us to the point,
that we feel soo undeserving, so much so it dulls our wills to even try.
but no. more than ever. no matter how unnatural or illogical it might feel,
i know it is worth it to give effort, to put forth,
even if i didn't, just a moment before,
if i feel i can now, just do it.
..... all of that's kind of broad, i know, but it is a generalization of how my
perspective & effort are evolving.
hey, even this post.
it's late.
my series ended Tuesday i think.
i had a deadline by Friday, mid-day.
it's currently Sat afternoon. ;)
just keep going. & there is reason to remain happy about it.
excited, expectant, knowing that your spirit & heart is real.
& that God is your spirit's & life's overseer. :)

confessions help me keep that. always. at the forefront of my mind.
they help keep my spirit lively, receptive & bold.
they keep away guilt, shame and fear,
& they are constantly refilling me on hope, love & joy, to give...

because of that significance,
it was inevitable that i share,
eventually. lol.
it's so powerful, so overwhelmingly real,
& for everyone.
fueled by the Origin of Love, for you!
there are so many things we don't yet understand,
& learning all of that is a process.
but initially; know that you're loved,
by the Creator of Love, Himself,
& that no other love is truer & realer & pure
& powerful & unconditional, as that.
& through your journey of growth, & realizations,
you will come to know the truth & the depth of the truth.
& confessions are necessary for your journey.
for you to know who you truly are in the face of adversity,
will be necessary. confessions. confessing who you are,
& what that means for your life, consistently, writing that onto your mind,
onto your heart, illuminating your spirit,
it manifest the transformation God has for you! :)
so that you may know who you truly are,
even in the face of your most powerful adversary.