Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but are too afraid to

blah blah, no need for intro's...

with you ive learned, expectations are garbage.
& while standards can exist, they will not always be applied.

with you ive learned forgiveness,
and the patience it takes to get there.

ive learned that i cannot make you be the person i always need.
i guess you've nourished my relationship with God indirectly that way.

this is all love,
stricken with a little pain.

because although youve helped me like a bestfriend,
you hurt me like an enemy.

i lay my whole being on the table, not to offend you...
but to allow us both to grow.
& i dont doubt God works in your life.

but it's what is inside you that holds you back.
those grudges you can't let go of.
the pain from the past that you let construct your future...
those pieces of evil that i feel you embrace,
rather then fighting their existence.

so what do i do with a friend like you.
on the outside, you pose to be everything i need.
but realistically, your not half the women you could become.

so it comes down to this.
the love is real.
the commitment. the defense.
the responsibility.
from me to you.

& while i feel you want to love me,
the way i love you...
all that stuff on your insides, will never let you.

so i can't really trust you,
& i dont really depend on you.
& i always expect to fight my own battles.

i promise.
i love you the most.
but you have taught me....
a friend is still just a friend.

morning babble. at work. :)

let go of the world.
let go of the co-signs.

you havent really let go of the world.
if you still acknowledge their co-signs.

subconciously what your saying,
is that, you dont give a fuck,
because even by their standards,
your killin.
acknowledgement is respect.
do not respect the world.

so how do we completely let go of a world,
that raised us.
that still surrounds us?

but even asking this,
is an insult to the Most High.
who exist that poseses a threat to your guardian?
there is none.
what situation exist that God cannot interupt?
there is none.

God made you.
he is your creator.
with maker's knowledge. he knows you,
better then you know yourself.

God wants you closer to him
then to anything else.
this is the will of God.
will he then, not make a way of escape,
from the world that corrupted you from birth.

the answers are there.
your victory is only waiting,
do not fight battles you have already won,
re-affirm their defeat.

lost at where the journey begins?
unsure of your position?

ask God,
ask him whatever
& believe he will answer you,
because he said he will.
God is not a liar.
He wants you to hold him to his word
the original idea of integrity.

and then wait,
for God loves time.
Invest in yourself through
indulgement in the divine. :)

crash culture

it's times like these when we need to remember why.
when we are faced with a huge inner dilemma, caused by actions of the majority and your individual lack there of.
you remembered your straight & narrow when it was held in high regard.
what about when it is getting dragged through the mud?
what will keep you?