unwavering

to have clarity on direction is a beautiful thing. 

to be committed to an idea, a vision, a theme, a moral compass is half the battle. 

how do we not constantly change our minds when so many opinions, theories, analysis are being offered to us consistently.

i mean capitalism suffers unless we're convinced that we need this new thing, to slay a new style, install a new habit, take on a new project, commit to this new lifestyle. 

our desire for improvement is being hijacked and manipulated. our desire to be open-minded is being hijacked for confusion. our desire to be accepting and compassionate is being hijacked for dollars. 

everything is business; education, healthcare, ministry.

how can we effectively navigate and stay the course when the track is always changing.

”And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;“ Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭11‬-‭13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ ”that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting,“ ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

”but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.“

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭15‬-‭16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

It is God’s desire for us to be steadfast in our beliefs and goals. Of course it takes time to develop a direction, a plan, a vision, but once we’re putting the work in, it profits us to believe in the what and the why of what we’re doing. it profits us to stay focused and be weary of distractions. it profits us to sacrifice and invest for our beliefs and our goals.

a loose and unsecured soul is damaging. 

steadfastness is a virtue. 

for so long my aim to not be close-minded, arrogant, and stubborn led me to indecisiveness. not that i didn't believe what i believed, but how to act on it, to share it. how will my words be interpreted, will i change my mind, will i find out this isn't true, what are we really supposed to be focused on, if i say or post this will i promote the wrong thing.

yesterday i was thinking, if the world we were born into were different, more heavenly, where would i run to, what would be my sure thing? and almost instantly i realized it would be church. learning the Father, teaching Him, showing Him. to me there is nothing more pure, more right, more satisfying. but yet, in this world and in this life, i don't feel qualified.

but how can i be qualified to be myself?! as long as i’m being my authentic self to the best of my ability at the present time, what more can be asked of me, who can rightfully have a cursed word against me?!

and its taken me a long time to decide that. 

to be ok with myself as i am now. and maybe i did cheat a little bit. put in some work to strengthen my belief. kept prayers in my mouth and on my heart searching for answers to my questions, my confusion, a cure for my doubt. 

and i’m not all the way healed. & until i leave this world for God’s perfect one, i will never be. 

but don’t i owe it to my Father, myself my community to radically try with boldness and joy to offer what and who i am to community…

hey you :)

hi to myself. 

honestly, first and foremost, you've been doing great. 

in a world that is actively seeking to destroy you, 

you always get back up and try again. 

you stay close to heaven and always find a way to look up again. 

and you've made progress. 

you keep getting better at a pace that's perfect for you. 

not without tribulation, doubt and fear, 

but those demons cannot define your journey, 

rather they are used to shape your testimony. 

because your life is not only about you, 

but about those you impact, the seen and unseen. 

i'm stepping into a new layer of confidence. 

it's time. 

not simply as a partner and a mom or a lawyer, 

but as all of those things in this upgraded version. 

Grounded in God, Christ, Heaven, The Holy Spirit, 

and therefore, always floating. 

everything i need comes to me. 

i only want what i'm supposed to have, 

what God my Father has willed for me. 

i live in peace, my hope is limitless and so is God's favor. 

my energy and essence is powerful, 

and the world around me caters to me. 

to my confidence, my goodness, my heavenly magic. 

so the signs are always there, 

and the push to keep going is always felt. 

my eyes, ears and heart open to receive what Christ is telling me, showing me. 

i continue to get more perfect everyday. 

i trust me. i love me. 

and i am excited about the life God & I are creating for me. 

a trip to hell

 a few things.

knowing that God created you on purpose is a powerful revelation.  

i’ve been a little irresponsible. i’ve encountered many beautiful and healing truths that i’ve forgotten to write down. an injustice really.

but in an effort of amends, i come here with the intent of laying my current truth out with words.

that i’ve been away to a dark place. alone slowly sinking further into an abyss. fear filled me, fogging my vision like a haze of hate. i was present in body only. my mind had been lost and my soul was burning. 

the lies felt like the only truth i could trust. 

in those moments you need someone who won’t give up on you. even though the terror has you pushing them away. but God needs to remind you, a way to get you to remember, just for a second, an undeniable truth that is written on your heart. 

for me, that was that i was created on purpose. with intention. out of love. meant for joy. no matter what is happening now. all the mistakes i’ve made, the binds i’m currently in, my creation cannot be disputed and neither can the Creator. the Creator made me, & He is righteous, perfect and loves me perfectly. 

at once i realized the lie beneath my eyes. because no way could i be abandoned, left for dead, useless and invaluable. God called me a masterpiece, created me in His holy image. lol. my being is the embodiment of love, righteousness, glory. i’m the bees knees, 1 of 1, created on purpose, with intention, ain’t nun like me. :)

and God used this imperfect being and made him perfect for me. and sometimes that bothers me. because sometimes it doesn’t look how i think it should look. and then the question becomes what is the source of my vision. is it the world or is it Christ. and then layers of false truths, misconceptions and assumptions come unraveling.

i don’t know if the public will understand this one. i may be a little too in my head, driven by my heart. but it’s honesty and it’s necessary. 

you were created in the image of God and no matter how far we go off course or distance ourselves from that truth we can always decide we want it to be true again and God will honor us, honor His truth, His original love for you when He made us, when Christ died for us. the greatest fucking sacrifice! for you. for us. 

 _________ some new affirmations in rotation____________

God is my father. 

Christ is the Son of God and my brother.

Christ saved me from destruction and from the evil of and in this world.

God has created me in His image, i am an image bearer of God my father, of Heaven, holiness, righteousness, power, peace, joy, wisdom, beauty and all good things.

i have been given power over all the powers and principalities of this world through Christ the Son, the Holy Spirit within me and God my Father. 

the Father will never forsake me, Christ is never far from me and the Holy Spirit is always in me guiding me.

i rebuke all devils, demons and any evil thing, lie & perversion from me, my family, our communities, our dwellings & possessions and anything that concerns us, & i send them to where Jesus sends them and i bind them & command them to stay there. 

in Jesus name, amen 🙏🏾 

I Meant to Post This in January.

i'm so happy i get to be here, 

...knowing that my North Star has never lost sight of me. 

even in times of uncertainty and insecurity,

i was in the right space, at the right time.

these past 6+ months i've done work, unknowingly.

last feb, i experienced one of the most debilitating depressive episodes.

i knew i needed help and that i had to do something.

i just wanted to survive.

little did i know i was setting myself up to thrive.

i faced uncomfortable truths and it was a test of the faith i used to fight and heal.

and those battles were not only faced and won,

but room was made and growth flourished.

kindness, forgiveness, honesty and confidence,

all came flooding my heart and soul.

and the fruit of my labor, while being unexpected is red carpet welcomed.

i never realized so many other positive things would take shape in my life.

i just wanted to stop beating myself up to the point of hatred,

but i ended up gaining multiple layers of love and compassion for myself, 

the person i was and the person i'm becoming.

A Side of Christ

i was feeling low on faith. 

some tough realities were bothering me. 
hindering me from feeling good, feeling motivated, 
loved and valuable.

because this can be super harmful if not addressed, 
I Had To Get Stuck on Jesus, and quick. 

anyway, that led me to this T.D. Jakes sermon, 
which prompted a reading of Luke 17. 

& it's not that this scripture directly addressed 
my lack-luster preceding moments, 
but it brought Jesus before me, 
not only in the real way of being reminded 
His presence and goodness are 24/7/365, 
but in a new way. wow. 

a picture of His character, an 
understanding of His will & perspective 
that I had not been ready to see before. 

In ways that correspond to the woman I am today. 
a black woman, one of God's. 
& the realities that I face and the comforts I seek.
the offenses perpetuated against me & the
offense I myself perpetrate against others. 

& let me tell you, I had my suspicions, 
but Jesus really is that guy. 

_______________________________________

We are often taught the concept of forgiveness in church, 
but never really taught how to deal with violence perpetuated against us, 
whether that violence be emotional, mental, physical, sexual, etc...

& what can end up happening, is our relationship with Christ can suffer, 
and we can begin to move away from the church after suffering something traumatic, 
because it seems that Christ has no help for us, for our feelings and our present troubles. 

but that's wrong. because where you're righteously angry, so is Christ. 
& forgiveness is not just given, it is earned. 
& like you and me, Christ also rebukes and turns away those who harm unjustifiably, 

In Luke 17, Jesus tells us that those who seek to harm His family, 
would be better off killing themselves. 

& when a brother sins against us, we should rebuke them. Talk to them.
Tell them that they hurt you and how, and what should have been done instead. 
only then, and if, you're brother acknowledges their behavior and seeks retribution & forgiveness, 
then you must forgive them. 

but the forgiveness is earned, not freely given. 
there is acknowledgement of the sin that was done against you, 
and it wasn't swept over or dismissed, 
it must be addressed. 
because wrongs against you aren't okay. 
& we have the Godly agency to protect ourselves & our families, 
from those who callously commit harm against others. 

so for women who are violated over and over, 
and children who are preyed upon, 
their violators are not entitled to forgiveness, 
& the saving of their lives, is not our concern. 
there is a God who acknowledges our pain, 
and who grieves with us as we heal, 
and respects our anger. 

and while that righteous anger is there, 
and that space for unforgiveness of evil, 
we still have a duty to also forgive those who righteously seek forgiveness. 
who put in the work to repent. to change their ways and offer countenance to those they've hurt. 
Jesus says although it is hard, it is your reasonable service to do so, 
an unprofitable act, 
because it is what has been done for you and i. 

this side of Christ, 
His righteous anger, 
His talk of death for those that are evil, 
the conditions of forgiveness, 
I had not seen before, 
and I am so thankful for it.