sometimes.
i don’t know how to be happy.
i am filled with disappointment,
filled with fear.
good cannot live here.
thoughts defeat me,
and my character is destroyed.
blinded in a darkness,
that chokes my breath.
i am filled with distress.
and all this loss.
comes out in tears.
i get scared,
because in these moments,
i don’t want to live.
& i hate myself,
for not being able to maneuver,
in this world,
with other people,
who are not my enemy.
i can admit that.
the problem is not them,
it is me.
i can’t hold onto the victory long enough,
and i let everything go,
my hope and my goals.
after that, nothing is what’s left.
