“Spiritually, I Was Bankrupt”

this man is amazing. his courage. his boldness. ugh. i admire him.
currently reading his book, Wretched, Pitiful, Poor, Blind.
honesty, sincerity, faith, <3
everything we could all use a bit more of.

for you princess

just want to enunciate this phenomenon I've figured out. 

because there's this hold over me. 
as a girl, as a women. 
this desire to be lead, by someone I've chose.

not because my hunger is absent. 
my will to work is present. 
but fueled by something more than survival, 
this is more about preference. 
comfort zones.
my most natural one. 

this void is filled when that relationship exist. 
you give direction to my giving. 

as women i feel we are bred to give. 
to support and encourage. 
to nurture and reassure. 
we are the comfort in life, 
the bread men war for. 

intimacy is natural. 
we desire connection. 
someone to feel responsible for.
a direction for our giving. 

this is hard to admit. 
that you can be apart of my dependency. 
that i want you to be apart of what I'm dependent on. 

so that i can always have you in the back of my mind. 
something that i have, no longer something that i want. 
because its always one of the two. 

this part of nature is always takin out of context.
always exploited, always abused.
so we have to be conscious of the game, 
even though we chose not to play.

everything we are is apart of our value.
as soon as you sell for less than its worth,
you lose apart of yourself.
cold world trying to get it back.

methods

in the meantime, this will always be true, <3

become attach to everything you do. 

imagine that every action defines you. 

then learn Gods take on those things. 

so you can learn the repercussions that'll stand before you. 

I'm lacking clarity. 

i know what i think i want, but my wisdom isn't what's best for me 

I'm tryna dig ditches. create investments. within every action. 

so that ill always reap more than what i sow 

only God's direction can do that for you.

isn't it crazy though, that your outside drowns out your inside voice.

confusion precedes destruction.

I'm scared of that.

where is your will, what're you fighting for?

is it what you were created for,

or are the limits of the world placed upon your potential?

the L is for lacking.

go after the wrong thing, & there'll always be something missing.

intentions matter, true motives.

our hearts hold our lives, our deepest desires.

& you can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to your heart.

nothing's barely ever what it seems.

so hold your words. & speak only inevitable truths.

because you always know less than what you think.

& the room to grow keeps getting bigger.

fill it, instead of evacuating.

cause your ignorance will force you out.

impossible not to trust God, because only through his eyes are the truth.

classy

sometimes i feel as if Gods not moving enough.  that my faith test are that of a child, & my expected outcome is limited change.  but that's never right.  God never does too little or too much.  always just right, and never in vain.  I'm not use to this type of perfection.  but now i have no choice, but to adjust righteously.  because my tables are being turned constantly.  everything i once identified with is shifting. things and people are being taken from me, things I've built my foundation on.  if I didn't have God now, I would have nothing. nnnootthhhiinngg. & while it may always really be like that,  we're usually too comfortable to have to read between the lines and realize that.  now God gives me no choice.  but fear remains distant, I refuse to shorthand my God with that. therefor you don't deserve my farewells either.  because only God knows what this is. & i don't want to shorthand what my God is doing, with wisdom unworthy of comprehending such a divine plan.  pure faith, walking in the unknown.  but like a boss! :) owning it,  taking it,  with the authority that's been givin to me.  blessed be the name of my God, blessed be the name of me, & every step I take,  due to the one who directs them. amen. 

before the comeback.

knowing that you could do,
if God came down and personally asked you to,
is not enough!
do it because you should. the opportunity is always arising.
for you to prove your faith. take it.

don't want to be treated like a child.
but prove you can be an adult.
remember this day, so that you make walk in the release,
of this curse active on you.

big day.
gave into one, while denying another.
help is needed. sometimes more than what you can conjure up.
sometimes what God allows other people to conjure up on your behalf.
that happened to me today.
someone helped God save me. Thank God for her, :)

forgive me. for while I am steady growing.
sometimes, i am steady effing up.
but you know... then i remembered this; Letter 30: your reflection
& refused to cease and desist.

but believe in something bigger than right now.
sowing thoughts of success, because i was born to win.

(excuse the cheesiness!
my vulnerability causes me to be corny!)

<3 comeback queen