Take Your Own Advice

i wish i could be poetic,

but the best way for me 

to articulate the truths i’m realizing,

is to speak them how they come. 

my life is the one i’m most intimate with,

but i know enough to know,

that the feelings and fears i face

are not isolated thoughts

directed only towards me

but shared by many, with the goal to defeat.

we can work so hard

and come so far

and win so many battles

and still face fear.

because after one goal

there is another.

even if that goal is only

to maintain a peace that cannot be shaken.

here i am,

facing another goal.

a goal so big

i forget the ones i’ve already conquered.

& here i am, 

surrounded by circumstances of fire

that while although uncomfortable,

scary, and blinding,

can be used to refine me,

enhance me, make me better than before.

when we see this in others

it is easy to tell them to keep going.

it is easy to see that this trial will not last,

and all winning takes is commitment.

the action of not stopping, action to keep going.

it’s a marathon not a race we say.

but for ourselves

that truth can often seem so far away. 

we forget that we’re built to last

and begin to believe

that we’re destined to fail.

no matter how many wins you claim

this fear will always attempt to meet you,

attempt to prevent you from taking the next step.

but then i saw a person

who felt down on their luck.

their passion was real,

their heart was good,

but they felt their circumstances 

were instead, to be the death of them.

they couldn’t catch a break they said.

success wasn’t meant for them they said. 

& i believed wholeheartedly

with not one doubt in my heart

that there was a light at the end of their trial.

it was easy for me to see

that all they had to do was keep going,

keep believing.

& i knew it was worth it to do so.

& then i took those thoughts for myself.

& i looked at my life through a different lens,

an outside one.

and i could see the win so clearly

& begin to believe wholeheartedly

that the brightest light was at the end of my own tunnel. :)

why would i care

why do i care so much about pleasing you,

when you will just do what you want to. 

even at the expense of us,

with a disregard for me.

i don’t deserve effort?

i don’t deserve discipline?

i don’t deserve respect? 

or maybe sometimes,

but only you get to decide. 

how can you be the head

when you possess no brain.

...because you must be stupid.

to taint life with death,

to bring rain into our sunshine,

to think you could still have,

what you gave away,

when you gave into yourself,

instead of giving into us.

why would i care at all about pleasing you

morning babble. at work. :)

let go of the world.
let go of the co-signs.

you havent really let go of the world.
if you still acknowledge their co-signs.

subconciously what your saying,
is that, you dont give a fuck,
because even by their standards,
your killin.
acknowledgement is respect.
do not respect the world.

so how do we completely let go of a world,
that raised us.
that still surrounds us?

but even asking this,
is an insult to the Most High.
who exist that poseses a threat to your guardian?
there is none.
what situation exist that God cannot interupt?
there is none.

God made you.
he is your creator.
with maker's knowledge. he knows you,
better then you know yourself.

God wants you closer to him
then to anything else.
this is the will of God.
will he then, not make a way of escape,
from the world that corrupted you from birth.

the answers are there.
your victory is only waiting,
do not fight battles you have already won,
re-affirm their defeat.

lost at where the journey begins?
unsure of your position?

ask God,
ask him whatever
& believe he will answer you,
because he said he will.
God is not a liar.
He wants you to hold him to his word
the original idea of integrity.

and then wait,
for God loves time.
Invest in yourself through
indulgement in the divine. :)

forgive me.
im big enough to see when i come across a mistake.
a misconception. smh.
cause i was just sooo sure.
and i was wrong.

how could i have missed this?
i swear i tried.
i remembered.
think i gave the whole thing play.
but then. i couldnt piece it all together.

whatever the reasons that may be.
that fact still remains.

so now, here i am. listening.
in the midst of conflict.
that arised from a 'lack of regard' to something that was so significant.
then my attempts to dismiss it.
smh. icing on the cake.

were always so worried if the other person can make it. if they can make that commitment to a vision always weathering a storm. 

my attitude needed to be put in check. lol. he's obviously still the man here. lol. :)

my re-draft attitude includes so much more of him. and me. back in my place. eager to learn. lol.