open eyes 👀

i recognized something today,
something that i've already known,
but have consistently pushed to the back of my mind.

i realize
the enemy has used the things i like,
to replace the things i love.

distractions are an essential tactic
of the enemy.
to keep you from purpose,
from peace,
from prosperity.

trials can arise un-welcomed feelings.
shame, defeat, inadequacy.
and those feelings confront me now.
i want to believe what God says,
which is so strong in my heart.

that trials reveal courage,
and produce strength.
they also open eyes and minds
to previously hidden truths,
about ourselves,
& about our God.

i'm so grateful for this moment,
to be writing these words,
fulfilling this purpose.

but i'm in the midst of uncertainty and chaos.
and feeling peace,
seems irresponsible.

i've been through enough,
and am too familiar with the negative confronting me,
to know that my Father would never forsake me.
that every low is only temporary,
and that God is always many steps ahead of me.

so in this, what i have seen,
is that the world's "peace"
brought upon by a false sense of security,
in the things we believe the world has given us,
is deceiving us.
and peace is not money or certainty in our own ability,
but in our Father,
and the truth that He is always with us,
always working for and in us,
regardless of what our circumstances look like.

i previously called 2020 the year of breakthrough,
for other reasons,
but i'm seeing more now.

so i choose to defy the enemy,
and be happy in his face.
be grateful,
and positively expectant.
i will not take the fear he is trying to hand me,
and i won't just look at my now,
but at all the wins God has handed me.

...calling it what it 'should' be.

i have somewhat, been away.
only diving online mostly as a spectator,
not in the mindset to be a contributor.

mostly because, i like to think before i talk.
i like there to be significant reasons why i am saying what i say,
i like my words to be set in some meaning,
a real, significant meaning.
not some superficial current state, brought upon some simple passing circumstance.
we feel so many things, in so many moments,
some i prefer more than others.
some i want to highlight,
some i don't.

& lately, i haven't gotten many moments to not only think,
but to execute,
in regards to personal work.
but this is okay,
because taking time to observe,
is something i enjoy,
& find necessary.
so in the mean time,
i've been storing up some amazing variables,
that will inevitably show themselves,
through something that i offer from the insides of me.

i tweeted some thought process i had yesterday.
it was a reaction to things i have been handling,
as well as how i was handling them.
keeping my perspective in check,
not letting defeat reach my imagination,
& only think on rest & peace & success.
to me, i have no choice.
when faced with circumstances,
that could either get much worse,
& begin eating away at my sustainability.
i have no room for negativity. none.
i cannot play with the addictiveness of being a victim,
i must, must, must, keep my head not only above water,
but in the clouds; where my help comes from!
therefor my choices & actions will be reflective of my thoughts,
secure, safe, hopeful, expectant, faithful, joyus!

it wasn't until i experienced circumstances,
that could bring true fear to my heart,
& commit to a reaction to them,
that i could speak on something worth saying.

...sometimes it's better to call it what it should be, instead of what it is.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

not denying the reality, but stating faith. the belief that what you're believing for will manifest.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

...with having good reason to believe for that.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

& a 'good' reason is specific to every life. some are logical, some are 'special'
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

i say what i say about stating faith, because i always see eagerness to highlight the bad, when actually a repetitive cycle of stating good,
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

...could change the entire energy of this world. change the world's attitude...
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

i think we can all agree, the world needs a serious attitude adjustment.
— ashmytash (@averyashlay) February 27, 2015

bang!

"i was taught, even when it's tough, chin up ninja." -skeme

this moment is here, because it's inevitable.
these solitary moments, where time slows down for me,
and i can do what i choose.
reflect on what i choose,
make whatever assessments i choose.

i can choose to be satisfied,
or disappointed.
i could love the person i am,
or be disgusted.
i can be straight forward and honest,
or i can take the long way around.

these moments can be dangerous though,
depending on what i choose to focus on.
if i begin to take things out of context,
overly desire something before its time.
i can become ungrateful and selfish.

then....since my focus is already on the worldly,
i desire a worldly recovery.
outlets i've always known,
even if the outcome is no longer suited for me.
it's hard not to desire those things,
those old coping mechanisms,
at least without feeling bitter.

but there, there's the challenge.
because if your denying yourself,
& hating life while doing it,
then there is no point.

the point is to find joy,
through the uncomfort.
to believe the best,
even though,
you would find temporary satisfaction,
in believing the worst.

at least, that's how it is for me. 

before the comeback.

knowing that you could do,
if God came down and personally asked you to,
is not enough!
do it because you should. the opportunity is always arising.
for you to prove your faith. take it.

don't want to be treated like a child.
but prove you can be an adult.
remember this day, so that you make walk in the release,
of this curse active on you.

big day.
gave into one, while denying another.
help is needed. sometimes more than what you can conjure up.
sometimes what God allows other people to conjure up on your behalf.
that happened to me today.
someone helped God save me. Thank God for her, :)

forgive me. for while I am steady growing.
sometimes, i am steady effing up.
but you know... then i remembered this; Letter 30: your reflection
& refused to cease and desist.

but believe in something bigger than right now.
sowing thoughts of success, because i was born to win.

(excuse the cheesiness!
my vulnerability causes me to be corny!)

<3 comeback queen