i wrote this on paper first.
when i am fueled from the inside out,
but unsure of the purpose i'm looking to fulfill,
sometimes it is easier that way. (disclaimer)
______________________________________________
going to start writing this here (on paper),
rather than on the computer,
because my mind is entertaining
so many thoughts,
& i am unaware of how i truly feel.
a little shitty probably.
not because God has forsaken me,
but because this world, this society,
works so hard to diminish my value,
& that is shitty.
i've invested so much into a purpose,
& while it was not purpose-less,
as God uses all things for the good of me,
& His purpose for me,
the world will take you, eat you,
& produce nothing for you.
this world will steal your harvest.
the devil has stolen my harvest.
but,
with faith, through faith, in faith,
in the truth that Father God has established for me,
through Christ, my brother, my savior, my king,
the devil has set me up real good.
obligated to pay me,
all that he's stolen from me,
a gagillion times over.
abundantly.
overflowing.
more than enough.
this is the truth that i know.
this goes beyond my feelings,
this is my spirit.
my mind & body...will follow.
so in the time being,
how shall i proceed?
because my mind constantly requires that i check it,
to dismiss thoughts fueled by
fear, anger, bitterness & destruction.
my body has to be forced
out of complacency,
to continue to toil,
although no win, can be physically seen.
people still talk to me,
as if i want to talk.
they still desire my gracefulness,
a smile and respect.
they still desire to take from me.
how shall i proceed?
i'm no longer battling fear,
as to what will happen to me.
my battle is with patience,
to keep peace in a place fueled to keep burning me.
surroundings that will continue to see me,
as less than human,
less than the queen God has made me,
has declared me as.
i'm still expendable,
a punching bag,
a free resource unworthy of,
decency & respect.
how shall i proceed?
this is the true fight,
to keep my peace,
that Christ offers me.
no wonder it must be beyond my understanding.
because peace here,
in this space,
is worldly unfathomable.
worldly peace could not live here.
my joy has to come from the inside out,
produced by heaven,
& it will be the true fight,
to exert it to all.
even those who trespass against me.
because this is what Christ did for me,
although my trespasses against God were many.
there is power in this.
i am powerful.
this calmness Christ has blanketed me with,
is unbreakable.
I am unbreakable
even in the darkness,
all this darkness,
i am unbreakable!
