state of the union

I'm really beginning to understand the value of community.
Because it is something to be a black minority out
and about, as millions of people around the world,
& ones right next to you, just shared a video of another black
male or black female getting killed by the police, publicly, legally, celebrated even.

How do i carry myself as a black woman,
someone who loves herself,
and her culture,
someone who recognizes the inhumane injustice,
this country and its citizens plagued black life with?
How do i carry myself around everyone else?
Should i act like it's all good...it's not.
Should i act of anger, or fear?

There is a war on the black community.
We are really seeing who believes what,
and how that may be detrimental for me as a black american.
How can i be okay when white women and men are constantly inspired by black life,
and profit off it commercially,
when black kids aren't realistically allowed to dream of creating their own business,
or to be a leader in their industry,
to write for the latest sitcom,
or be on zara's design team,
or direct fashion runway shows.
I’m totes not okay with that.
Also, while not being celebrated and motivated,
black kids are also denied sufficient health care,
and healthy resources. Who is caring about their
education and mental health?

This has been happening for decades,
so when you retort with their 'insufficient parents'
they were those same kids once,
who grew into 'adults' and had kids.
Nothing insufficient about black people,
except the lack of representation and value we receive from our country.

America and the rest of the world needs to open their eyes,
Black people aren’t going anywhere,
and we're all stronger together, so don't be mad about it.
Stop strategically and purposefully trying to put us down,
Just let us fxxking live. Properly.
With a reasonable and decent chance of success.

I live in a world,
where everybody knows how everybody really feels
about black people.

kanye west and me. the life of pablo.

i'm going to aim to keep this simple,
because i have a tendency, to over explain in detail.

the context of my life currently is that,
i feel like i'm growing into an adult
at a rapid rate. & i'm just trying to keep up.
& occasionally, get ahead.

the situations that arise, that smack me in the face,
are too many, and a lot of times,
require this shift in my perspective,
forcing me to grow, sometimes,
against my will.

kanye's drop is a work of art.
come on, even if you don't like it,
the arrangement, the choices,
seems like a glorious mix of kanye,
as life has been to him over the past years.
& it is lovely.

as a writer, a curator, a fan,
i relate to the words kanye says regarding those perspectives.
even as a believer in Christ, i relate. which is so powerful.
as a lover of detail, i love the choices he makes, regarding the creation of a song.
the human in me, loves his imperfection.
and his willingness & discipline to fight through it,
in the open, & still create majestic shxt.

in this album i find that he's bold,
raw and humorous,
a testament to the time we're in,
& reflective of how a lot of people are thinking and feeling.
kanye really is for the people.
he's a people pleaser.
it's so natural to him.
like, it's what he's meant for.

to circle back to the context of my life.
this kanye drop, at this time,
was blessed by God, lol.
& i say that because my purpose here
is to express the adoration and respect i have
for this piece of music. & how it will literally
define this period of my life, years from now.
you know when you remember history,
by remembering what song was out at the time.

this drop, along with some hard truths, people who care, are forcing me to hear.
with some wins i've accumulated,
& some progress, insight & clarity that i've been given,
shows me, i'm going in the right direction,
even if i'm the reason why, sometimes, my progress slows down.

it's amazing how music can play as a sign in your life.
how people who do music are connected to the same source we are,
so sometimes their thoughts, their preferences, their understanding,
is also like yours.

to have these moments with kanye,
this obviously isn't the first one,
it makes me so happy, lol.
like proof God loves me.
that i get to have kanye as inspiration.
right now, it's pretty fxxkin awesome.

pt. 2. :)

so remember.
all the good things about you.
that arent good because someone else tells you there good.
but because it comes from the truest parts of you.

the good that is cultivated from experiences, 
from lessons learned. 
the good that is a product of endurance.
the good in you that never waivers, 
never gets lost, never becomes compromised.

because even in this fantasy world,
entitled reality,
where they tell you youre not good enough.
that good in you still exist. 

right it on a post it note,
make it your screen saver,
tattoo it onto the inside of your hand,
tell it to yourself every day.
the good in you that has developed.
the good in you that directs your dreams,
& motivates you to keep enduring,
to be the best good that was meant for you to be.

always believe the BEST things.
what do you have to lose...
it's free. :)
& disappointments are only temporary,
existing only to build your character,
to enhance what already exist.
so don't let them discourage.

lol, intentionally this wasnt meant to be a motivational speech.
just an issue i was able to identify and defeat within my own life.
i live in los angeles, o_0. enough said.
& this isnt about me being weak or wack. far from it.
but about being real.
confronting a situation that i refuse to let become all too familiar.
because if your going to rise above your circumstances,
and create the circumstances that you desire,
this process, this growth. this is inevitable.

morning babble. at work. :)

let go of the world.
let go of the co-signs.

you havent really let go of the world.
if you still acknowledge their co-signs.

subconciously what your saying,
is that, you dont give a fuck,
because even by their standards,
your killin.
acknowledgement is respect.
do not respect the world.

so how do we completely let go of a world,
that raised us.
that still surrounds us?

but even asking this,
is an insult to the Most High.
who exist that poseses a threat to your guardian?
there is none.
what situation exist that God cannot interupt?
there is none.

God made you.
he is your creator.
with maker's knowledge. he knows you,
better then you know yourself.

God wants you closer to him
then to anything else.
this is the will of God.
will he then, not make a way of escape,
from the world that corrupted you from birth.

the answers are there.
your victory is only waiting,
do not fight battles you have already won,
re-affirm their defeat.

lost at where the journey begins?
unsure of your position?

ask God,
ask him whatever
& believe he will answer you,
because he said he will.
God is not a liar.
He wants you to hold him to his word
the original idea of integrity.

and then wait,
for God loves time.
Invest in yourself through
indulgement in the divine. :)