silence the noise.

life is a funny thing. 
so many opinions masquerading as truths, 
so many people with a platform for no other reason but being charismatic.
i would even argue that lies are so often promoted as part of a larger strategy.
if some are willing to push an agenda based on false narrative, 
whether consciously or unconsciously, they can benefit from being propped up and circulated. 

but just because a narrative is loud and repeated often, 
doesn't mean it's true. 
and that's the crazy part, 
the battle. 
because hearing is powerful. it's part of the design of you and i and this world as we know it. 
it's infectious. 
it's manipulative, in what can be either good or bad. 
it begins to shift your thinking which in turn can shift your mind, your brain, your chemistry. 

and that's the battle. 
because we have to fight and fight hard, 
to silence noise and false narratives. 
we have to look below the surface and dissect, 
what and who does this narrative serve. 

and if you have no foundation for what matters in life, 
this is not for you. 
you are destined to be thrown to and fro, from one idea to the next, 
never giving yourself the opportunity to be rooted in truth. 
never actually knowing who you are. 

as for me, i'm on heaven's side. 
the creators of the entire universe. 
Their mission is my mission. 
Their priorities are my priorities. 
obviously within scale. lol. 
but Their values are my values. 
Their truth is my truth. 

and whether you believe it or not. 
Their truth is the only truth. sorry not sorry. 
& i say that with an open mind and an open heart, 
knowing that their truths have been manipulated, 
extorted and misinterpreted for the sake of someone else's agenda, time and time again. 
but that does not negate the truth. that there is only one and it belongs to Them,
the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 

i feel so called because like what?!
let me be a representative because baby, a lot of y'all got it backwards. 
first, if you're not leading with love, please sit down. 
let me elaborate. 

let's stop equating our path as the right one. 
know God and know that He is not limited in how He can move through another's life. 
another's life that may not look like yours. 
whose choices you may not understand. 
knock knock. God's way is the only right way, but that looks different for different people, 
with different purposes and different roles. 

and when you create discourse about how others should approach or live the life God created them to live, you are working against the trinity. 

so many of us, myself included try so hard to justify our wants. 
luxury everything, five star meals, around the world trips, over consumption, etc. etc. 
and while there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting nice things, 
we have to know where to place those things. 
we have to know where to place career ambition, 
we have to know where to place chasing beauty and attractiveness. 
we have to know where to place fitness and body goals. 
we have to know where to place sexiness. 
we have to know where to place wealth. 
we have to know where to place the party.

none of those things are God's priority, especially if they are not being used to further the kingdom. 
babyyy, you were bought with the heftiest price. 
your life is not your own. 
period. 
you are a steward of this life you've been given. 
you are precious and on purpose. you are one of one.
and your impact for the kingdom is invaluable. 
you, just yourself, are invaluable. 
but not because of what you've accomplished or what you've obtained, 
but simply as a creation of the most high creators. 

so let's stop platforming people just because they have what you think they want. 
is it Godly? is it in line with the purpose with which you were created?
being selfish has a place but it's limited and we've taken it too far. 
so how am i inspiring others? how am i uplifting those who see me?
how am i doing God's bidding?
it's not enough to love God in private but it should be reflected in our lifestyle and in our choices. 

Take Your Own Advice

i wish i could be poetic,

but the best way for me 

to articulate the truths i’m realizing,

is to speak them how they come. 

my life is the one i’m most intimate with,

but i know enough to know,

that the feelings and fears i face

are not isolated thoughts

directed only towards me

but shared by many, with the goal to defeat.

we can work so hard

and come so far

and win so many battles

and still face fear.

because after one goal

there is another.

even if that goal is only

to maintain a peace that cannot be shaken.

here i am,

facing another goal.

a goal so big

i forget the ones i’ve already conquered.

& here i am, 

surrounded by circumstances of fire

that while although uncomfortable,

scary, and blinding,

can be used to refine me,

enhance me, make me better than before.

when we see this in others

it is easy to tell them to keep going.

it is easy to see that this trial will not last,

and all winning takes is commitment.

the action of not stopping, action to keep going.

it’s a marathon not a race we say.

but for ourselves

that truth can often seem so far away. 

we forget that we’re built to last

and begin to believe

that we’re destined to fail.

no matter how many wins you claim

this fear will always attempt to meet you,

attempt to prevent you from taking the next step.

but then i saw a person

who felt down on their luck.

their passion was real,

their heart was good,

but they felt their circumstances 

were instead, to be the death of them.

they couldn’t catch a break they said.

success wasn’t meant for them they said. 

& i believed wholeheartedly

with not one doubt in my heart

that there was a light at the end of their trial.

it was easy for me to see

that all they had to do was keep going,

keep believing.

& i knew it was worth it to do so.

& then i took those thoughts for myself.

& i looked at my life through a different lens,

an outside one.

and i could see the win so clearly

& begin to believe wholeheartedly

that the brightest light was at the end of my own tunnel. :)

how it's working

y'all should just get used to this.
this is how it's going to be for now.
i'm committed to so many things,
& some may see that as this awful thing,
but for me, i'm pretty sure that's just life. :)
& that's okay,
but things will have to rotate priority.

i didn't create this space for the desire to promote myself,
i created it out of need.
when things get so worked up,
worked up, worked up, worked up,
& then boom.
something inevitable happens. :)
& this space helps me rationalize,
it helps restore my perspective.
that is why i have this,
or pretty much anything.
it naturally serves some purpose that helps keep me going.
& that's awesome.

but it's not scheduled.
it happens when it happens.
when there's this overflow,
or a need for discipline in myself,
or etc...

so just know when you're getting it,
you're getting something real.
& that's awesome.
God works out the rest.
for now, that's how this is working.

here i am. :)

my analysis of who i've become. a reflection of sorts i suppose, of who i think i am.
my own opinion i want to stress.
because i have known to have been wrong before.
& i think our own reflection of who we think we are, is inevitably distorted.
i rely solely much more so on prayer.
because people, including ourselves as individuals,
are essentially unreliable.
no one will take all the way care of you.
at some point, you must be able to rely on your own backbone,
the one that God strengthens.
& you must receive from Him, all the things you need to prosper within this world.
let the drought happen around you, not to you.
….because regardless, it will happen.

i wish i could give you some groundbreaking knowledge,
as to how to become the person God intended you to be,
…the best version of yourself.
but all i've figured out so far,
is that it is different for everyone.
it is not something you can manipulate,
to have it happen your way,
under your terms,
within your time frame.
but it must happens as it wills,
as time and surroundings allow.

but don't miss the point,
being that you are to stand steadfast.
that regardless of what is happening around you,
what is within you stays focused,
stays motivated,
continues to believe that there is purpose,
that the hope you have,
will never be in vain.
& there is no mistake you can make,
or tragedy that can happen,
that can reverse that.
the win, it is inevitable. :)
xoxo, ash.

this isn't a game.

sometimes i forget,
that only i can do what it is that i do.

we shouldn't feel threatened by our surroundings,
our peers,
because if you're being true to you,
no one can do what it is you do...
or how you do it.
i rest in that fact.
it eliminates fear.

i rarely spend time,
thinking about survival.
...strategies to stay relevant.
because there is only so much you can do on your own.
& honestly your efforts in that, are nearly irrelevant.

i mean, what i'm saying doesn't apply to everyone,
because i'm operating with God on my side,
while others are fighting against God.
attempting to do everything themselves,
not letting God act on their behalf.

but considering the circumstances in which i'm operating under...
i feel like this becomes less of a game, 'because i could lose that'
& more like life. :)