I say I don’t care
And when I say it, it feels true.
But your absence tugs at my heart,
and I finally realized,
I'd been lying to myself.
Damn, so what does that mean?
Things I thought were true really aren’t?
Then what’s the real truth and how do I manage it?
It's sad that the truth behind some feelings takes some time to reveal themselves.
And unless the conscious thought is given, they can stay hidden.
Irrational feelings brought upon by defense mechanism can lead us,
our thoughts, our actions, and the reactions we’re left to deal with.
All based on an erratic unsustainable version of the truth.
Why is that? Is it because we can’t handle the truth?
Because I’d be lying if I said I knew what to do with it.
It doesn't seem that the world can handle truth.
and so we’ve created mechanisms to either avoid it or twist it.
And as a result, doing the most righteous thing seems so hard. So against our natural nature. Our pride.
But what is pride, lol.
According to Christ it is often misplaced,
inflated by our ego and the cause of destruction.
Is that what I want leading my decisions?
But it’s hard when i’m so familiar with the wrong way
and the world, and at times our own communities, reject the right way.
And your feelings, and your thoughts, your confidence,
is based on some world created standard,
so where does that leave you if you try something different?
Tbh, I am overflowing with emotion, feelings and their accompanying thoughts.
My brain is like the ocean, tossing to and from, unsettled, chaotic, confused.
I don’t know what I should want and even when I think I know what I do want, I don’t.
Today, I’m crying out for help.
